Date: Tue, 6 Jun 1995 12:06:29 -0400 (EDT) From: Falerin the Keeper of Aslyn's Will To: cmeli@unimt.mt Subject: William's Revenge (All Current Parts) In-Reply-To: <9506060755.AA24794@jaguar.is.unimt.mt> Message-Id: Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Status: RO WILLIAM'S REVENGE By William E. Donges, 1995 PART I Fiction is a funny thing. There is a very strong possibility that every word every thought written to paper is not as ficticious as we intend it to be, even those things written in humour. In an infinite universe of infinite possibilities even the remotest fantasy may be, somewhere, reality. If such is the case we have a very serious problem, and also an incredibly dangerous power. As writers we are playing god and shaping worlds. Th trouble comes not in doing this itself, but in creating something that we as authors can not control. The tale I am about to tell, will be, it is likely recieved only as fiction, but if you look deep it is something more. The most bizzare story gaining a relality that quickly spread not only to other worlds of fantasy but to our world of reality as well. ------- Dr. Sam Beckett had a headache. Leaping through time could do that to you, and Sam had been leeping for some time. He had experienced all sorts of unusual situations, but none as bizzare as the one he was in now. Not even the Blood Moon could top this one. Suddenly a noised filled Sam's perception like a door moving upward. "Al" Sam Said "It is about time you got here!" "Yeah. Well Sorry Sam Ziggy lost you again" Al replied hesistantly. "Lost me?" Sam asked "When we I leap home remind me to check Ziggy's sensors. So where am I Al" "Well, as far as we can tell the city of Lock Haven Pa, in a Mens Room" "I can see that I am in a men's room Al." Sam responded " What do you mean as far as you can tell? You are here arent you?" "Well yes Sam. Ziggy centered me on you but were getting all sorts of confusing readings, we have a name though." "Well?" "You are not going to like it Sam." "What is it Al!?" "Ziggy could not come up with your name Sam so we asked the guy in the waiting room directly." "Al!" Sam said exasperated. "He says his name is Lestat De Lioncourt" Al said reluctantly. "He says, so whats wrong with this Lestat guy why are we here." "You don't understand Sam." Al said "Lestat de Lioncourt does not exist. Ever hear of Interview With The Vampire?" "By Anne Rice? Yes I..." Sam let his words trail because his swiss cheesed brain had just brought into focus what Al had said. "He has got to be insane, Sam" Al said "you said it yourself, you convinced me, there are no such things as vampires." Somehow Sam did not look reassured, in fact he looked extremly white. "Any Idea why I am here Al?" Sam asked "In the original history something happened and William. Thats a friend of Lestat's ended up having hostilities with his fellow authors. Oh this is not good Sam. It seems that as a result of those hostilities and William's already fragile self-esteem he took his own life." "So I am here to prevent those hostilities?" "As far as I can tell Sam. Thats as good a start as any." "Al" Sam said "I want a complete medical workup on the guy in the waiting room." "But Sam?" Al said. "Don't ask Al" Sam Said "just do it." "Ok Sam" Al said as he stepped back through the door. Sam stepped out of the rest room... William's Revenge Speculative Fiction By Shirley Moore Sam stepped out of the restroom... Much to his amazement he did not find himself in a hallway bun in a field. In the center of which stood a rather attractive woman tied somewhat loosely to a stake. Her beauty even made Sam forget that it was an extremely odd thing that just happened. The sky was lit brightly but not by a sun, by some artifical pulsing light. The woman was being attended to by a dark haired and rather sinister looking man. Sam suspected that under normal circumstances, the female would have escaped this barbaric treatment. These were far from normal, and he was not the only one who noticed it. From behind Sam heard a familliar wooshing sound. The same sound he had heard when he had mysteriously ended up on Galifrey, a planet on which Sam had had a bizzare experience. Turning around he saw exactly what he had feared, a blue police box had landed in the field... "Oh Boy!" _______ Inside the Tardis the Doctor worked on a formula. "Doctor Romana said "We seem to have landed" "Here Romana" The Doctor said Absently "Pass about these jelly babies why we wait to land." Picard, Captain of the USS Enterprise D, chuckled softly. He had seen what the Doctor could do with those jelly babies. He remembered the report claerly. The Doctor, a time traveller, was an officer of starfleet from a paralell universe. Apparently he had rescued the crew of the original enterprise when they had strayed into his dimension. Later the Doctor had found his way to federation space, and had had an intereting adventure, now there was this, which made no sense at all. William spoke up "Doctor!" He shouted "I believe Romana said we landed." "Oh!" the Doctor Replied "So we have" The doctor opened the Tardis door and the party stepped out. William, Vanessa, Kim, Stephanie, JoAnne, Mick, Angela, Frank, Armand, an authour also named Armand, Louis, Marius, Claudi..? "What?" William said suddenly catching this incredible detail "How did Claudia get here?" "Do you think I would not notice your redistribution of my papers William and Vanessa. I noticed so I came and found this sensless chaos had run rampant." William continued roll Marius, Claudia, Brad, Picard, Data, Kirk, whom had stepped out of the back of the Tardis in transit, apparently woking on something with Mongomery Scott whom had, as of yet, remained quietly in the back. William realizing he had been distracted continued the roll. Laura Ann, Christine, Del, Rose Walker, Santiago, Ramses, Lasher, Akasha, who's presence even William did not want to consider, Gabrielle, and last but most certainly not least Erin, whom had arrived unexplicably in mid-transit. The reality vortex had become far to crazy for William to make any sense of what so ever. Del looking about said the thing that William should have noticed. "Lestat is gone, he promised me we would be naught after supper and then he vanished." Santiago looked about, "You are correct. Good riddance" Ramses spoke "Your variety of immortal makes no sense to me you incessant banter is counter productive. Gabrielle did not look amused by Santiago's statement in the least neither did Louis. Laura Ann and Vanessa spoke quietly in the background. "Would you mind sharing with us Mon Cher?" JoAnne asked. Marius spoke up moving away from Armand who seemed transfixed by an object in the distance, "They said lestat is right over there" Claudia, moved towards Picard to get a better look. Picard having a hard time with young children backed away. "Captain" Data Said "The Reality Failure Rate just jumped exponentially" "It is nothing" Akasha said "Absolutely nothing" _______ Suddenly hearing the noise the master turned. "You were stupid to follow me here Doctor" The Master Said "It Does not matter" A voice Came "I shall destroy you all" "What is that!" Sam asked "That Lestat" William replied "is a giant flower." It was only then that Sam noticed Picard. "Oh Boy!" Sam said Hearing this statement william withdrew, but said nothing. As he stepped back the flower spoke. "You did not think the called this story the war of the rose for nothing did you!" William's head ached the senslessness of the reality failure had become extremely bad and he was not exactly sure what to make of it anymore. William Walked up to Akasha and grabbed his pen. "I have to try to cut these numbers." William said his head aching. Suddenly Akasha vanised "You are not queen anymore anyway" he said as she faded JoAnne is the only queen. William made a few more motions with the pen and Brad disappeared. He tried to delete Data next but another jump in reality occured and the pen ceased working. Al stepped in from the waiting room. "Uh Sam I have the report on Lestat but we dont have time. Ziggy says theres a 95% probability that Heather, shes the girl tied to the chair, is about to bring about the event causing William's death." Sam, raced towards heather who was trying to activate some beacon. "Heather what are you doing" "Trying to activate my beacon." She said "I..." Heather looked ill and stopped reaching. "Heaather?" Sam Said grabbing her arm "Are you okay?" At that moment sam felt an odd sensation as the recently made Fascade dropped. "ALIA!" Sam Exclaimed "Sam" Alia replied "Oh Boy" the Master said bemused. Semi-Silly Spec: William's Revenge Part 3 By Vanessa Delvalle (The Dark Angel's minion) So here we are, in the middle of nowhere, and William is trying to delete characters! NO WAY!!!! William walked up to Akasha and grabbed hi pen. "I have to try to cut numbers," William said, his head aching. Suddenly Akasha vanished. "You are not the queen anymore, anyway. JoAnne is the only Queen!" "Watch your mouth, William! I'm the Brat Queen! JoAnne is the Dark Angel," Laura Ann said. "Oh, sorry! I forgot." William replied bashfully. He made a few more motions, with the pen and Brad Pitt disappeared. "What do you think you are doing!!!" Vanessa cried. "Give me that pen! I want Brad to stay!" Vanessa grabbed the pen from William's hand and wrote Brad Pitt into the spec once again. "We have to cut down the numbers!" William said. "You want to cut the numbers, huh? Okay! I'll fix it!" Vanessa started writing and with this, Picard, Sam, Al, and Ziggy disappeared. "Vanessa! You can't do this! They are the characters in my spec!" William said. "Yes, I know, but you should not try to get rid of *my* Brad!" "I thought it was *your* Armand!" "Ahem, well, yes, but Armand has decided to stay with Stephanie, therefore..." "Armand was always *mine*!" Stephanie yelled. "It's okay, Steph! We already cleared that matter," Vanessa said. "Now that Data is here, things look a lot better!" Her face brightened with a smile, and she approached Data. "Hey, honey! Armand says you don't know how to kiss. Want me to show ya?" Vanessa started giving Data kissing lessons and the rest of the spec writers just watched. "William," Laura Ann said,"Why did you say that the silly specs created hostilities for William with his fellow spec writers???" "Because they did!" William replied. "Everyone is flaming me about the silly specs." "Don't worry about it!" Mick chimed in, "I still like you!" "We all do!" All the spec writers cried in unison. Suddenly, Mick adopted her Earth Mother personality. "Oh, no!!!" said Susie. "Not again, please!" "Come on, everyone! Sit by my side. I'm a the Earth Mother and I want all my little children to sit by me and listen to my tales." The spec writers muttered under their breath, but obeyed Mick, knowing that she was the older of the Coven and therefore, the TRUE master. "Hey, Vanessa!" Patricia shouted. "I don't need a master! I'm Marius, remember?" Vanessa, who was still busy with Data turned around and looked surprise. "What's going on, Pat?" "You tell me, you are the one writing this part of the spec." "Hmmm...I was too busy with Data to realize what I was doing.." Vanessa blushed a little when she noticed that everyone was starting at her hands, that were still on Data's.. "Silence!" Mick commanded. "I want everyone who is not a spec writer to disappear, right now! I also want every single spec writer to appear right now!" "Hey, what about my minion Erin!" cried Heather. "Okay, every spec writer and his/her minions!" Mick said, trying to please Heather. By Mick's command, _all_ writers that ever posted a spec/story/silly spec appeared. (and I meant ALL!) Minions to the spec writers also showed up to the reunion. (new minions too! Like my new darling, minion, Lisa Covey) All the Vampires, Star Trek and Fiction Character's vanished. "Okay, everyone sit down and listen to me." Mick said, smiling. "Us, the spec writers are a great, wonderful family. We all have different personalities, and that's why sometimes we have little quarrels, but nothing serious. We all respect each other and admire each other's work. Some are more experience than others, and they share their talents with the others." "Like Patricia!" Vanessa and Kim interrupted. "Me?" Patricia asked. "Yes, Pat! You have helped, my little sis, Kim and myself to ameliorate our specs! You give us great criticism and we thank you for it!" Vanessa said. Patricia blushed a little. "Ahem...Can I continue?" Mick asked. Kim and Vanessa looked embarrassed and covered their mouths. "We won't interrupt anymore! Promise!" They said, crossing their little fingers on their back. "As I was saying, we are a great family. We have some impetuous, noisy fledglings like Kim and Vanessa, but we love them just the same." Mick smiled down at Kim and Vanessa, who crawled behind their "D" sister, Sally. "Yes, my little minion is a bit noisy!" JoAnne said smiling. "We all have our little temper tantrums once in a while," Mick continued, "but overall, we can work together. We get ideas and encouragement from one another." "This is NOT a mutual **** board," Heather said. "That's right! I truly admire all of you. I don't flatter anyone! I only compliment someone when I mean it." Vanessa added. "JoAnne is my inspiration, my muse, and a great friend. I love her writing!" "Yes, we all do!" Susie and Laura Ann said. "We all have different styles, and different abilities, and that's the fun of it!" Mick said, "If we were all the same, then we would be bored, because all specs would share the same style and they would all resemble each other." "We have a great variety!" Cathy added. "And we always welcome new comers!" Heather said. "Yes, we do, unless they try to flame us!" Lisa Hall replied. "That's why we should all be together. Solidarity is my theme!" Sherri Deener shouted. All the spec writers were hugging each other when they saw a giant flower running around. "What is that????" They all asked. "Oh, shit!" ~Del said, "That's the giant flower that William mentioned in part 2 of this spec!" "We are in trouble..." They whispered. Silly Spec: William's Revenge Part 4 by William E. Donges :Damned!: William though cursing his luck. :This is getting worse and worse: "Vanessa" William said, "It is very nice that we have made peace in this particular alternate reality but the fiction bleeding is still occuring, you can use my pen to write out major characters but it does not rectify the initial problem. This first part I can deal with." William produced a rather large pair of pruning shears and proceeded to advance on the large walking rose. "You" William said menacingly "Have not been paying attention you are not in the War of the Rose any more and I will thus have no war like roses." William maliciously began tearing off the roses petals and with a violent motion removed the blossom with his pruning shears. Immediately after this a glowing blue portal opened and a Lap Top compute appeared in William's Hands. "A new model!" William Said "Damn this reality alterer wont fix it either. Even the most recent model can only be use once in this mess. I can however correct some damage." William quickly entered a lengthy program into the Reality Processor of the Lap Top, in a short period of time the cast re-apearee in its entirety. "Are you glad now Vanessa. Here is your Brad As for you Akasha keep your moiuth shut" Akasha fumed but heeded William's Warning. Vanessa seemed quite happy to oblige. "Ahem" The Doctor said "The Tardis monitor is acting up but I can be fairly certain that this new development can only serve to make things worse." "Worse" Vince cried "how can things get any worse?" "Vince?" Vanessa asked "where did he come from?" "He is my minion, I will recieve no argument on the subject however I took him on when noone would I found in unfair that people would start something and include others" William answered. "A Vampire Mage!" Lestat said "You tried to stop me!" "AHEM!" Picard said "The Doctor's monitor." "Yes, yes" William said to the Doctor "What have you Father?" "It seem's the Tardis is picking up an alternate time stream" Romana said "I would have to confirm that diagnosis it has all the attribiutes of a bleeding world it is quite dangerous because there this fiction mess has not only reached the net it has reached the airwaves as Television and radio." The Doctor Replied sounding Datalike "Oh god!" Del cried and nibbled Lestat's ear. "This is terrible" "I would concur" JoAnne said "As would I" Mick said. "Really?" The Doctor Asked "Well then perhaps you can help being as you are the major antagonists" "What?" JoAnne and Mick asked William looked in the screen in horror. "The Doctor's Right it says here that there is a war going on in this dimension that is making the reality matrix fail even more rapidly. Armand formed some television station named TAC and JoAnne retaliated by developing the Hologram network. We have to do something or . . ." William froze in mid sentence a ble aura enveloping him. "Al?" William Said "What's going on here" "Oh Boy" Heather Said "Sam it's you" "Alia!" Sam responded "My hologram is not responding" "This is horrible Sam reality is failing. It is like something Lothos and Zoey would cook up" Heather-Alia said "Wait!" Vanessa cried what just happened here "Sam" Alia said "The Doctor says reality failure is getting worse and it has hit the Air waves in the form of TAC and The Hologram Network" "Please state the nature of your problem" A bald man said stepping into the imaging chamber. JoAnne smiled broadly. This man was definitely not Al. "Oh Boy" Sam Said. Semi-Silly Spec William's Revenge Part 5 By William Donges Chaos! Vanessa mad peace in this universe but in the alternate the War of The Rose continues, this is not easedby the fact that Televison recently began broadcasting this insanity and the reality failure rate jumped another 500%. "Captain" Data said. "Yes" Kirk and Picard said simultaneously. "Uh yes well the TAC war seems to have been rectified but the damage is already done, the matrix failure rate has become exponetional in that universe unfortunately we are bound to effect that reality by entering it." "A calculated risk Commander" The Doctor said to Data "If fiction has no coherency then it is a calculated risk." The figure that bore William's apperance was speaking to that which bore Heather's but no one was fooled their behavior was distincly artificial. The Doctor was relitavely amazed but also more sure of just what was going on although it made only breif sense. "I hate to cause you even more chaos but I feel it is neccesary." The voice was english with a slight Lilt to it. The accent faded quickly to that of william and abrubtly another William appeared this one brandishing a new haircut and lacking the gaotee and beard of the other. William walked up to the one speaking with heather and passed his hands over them in a brefi incantation. Suddenly their apperances changed. William addressed the imposters as the real heather Joined him. "Good evening Doctor Beckett, Alia. It seems you have been dragged into this insanity as well. And so presumambly has your hologram." William punched a few buttons on te tardis contreol console and a balding hologram appeared. Oh dear that bears no resemblance to Dean what is going on here?!" "Dean?" Sam asked "My holograms name is al and that is not him either" "Dean is the nameof the guy who plays A.. never mind you are quite correct this is not Al this is the emerg..." "Doctor!" JoAnne yelled seeing the hologram for the first time. "Yes?" The hoogram said in conjunction with the Man with a long scarf and curly hair. "I suppose I should say yes to, a blond haired man in a beighe coat said" "Oh god multiple regenerations now" William cried "We need to fix this mess quick the only question is why Al is not here and this hologream is instead." "I don't care" JoAnne said "This is fine with me" "Arghh" Yelled Mick Susie, Patricia, Vanessa, Brad, Laura Ann, Armand, Lestat, Louis, Gabrielle, Nicki, ~Del, and christine all yelled to get in their lines. Lestat seemed to be ready to complain about not having more lines but william showed him a clause in the contract that stated emergency situations were the one case where the contract wsa not binding oh yes where were we.... "Oh god multiple regenerations now" William cried "We need to fix this mess quick the only question is why Al is not here and this hologream is instead." "I don't care" JoAnne said "This is fine with me" William's Revenge Part 6 By William E. Donges III Authors note: I would immediately like to give credit for the war of the rose to Heather Meloche and the various others who made it a humorous plotless mess. The entirety of of part 11.5 as written by Ms. Meloche is included within the text of my story which I must point out does have some plot continuity. ________________________________________________________________________ "I don't care" JoAnne said "This is fine with me" "Well, it is not fine with me" William Said agitated "It is more fiction bleeding" "STOP THAT!" Romana said agitated pushing away Lestat who was practicing what could only pass for necking. She then spoke again "The monitor Mr. Scott and Mr. Data developed seems to be working we just recieved a record of reality distortion as it is occuring in that universe." William looked at the screen and read "War of the Rose, part 11.5, by Heather Meloche" "By me?" Heather asked "But the war of the Rose ended with part 3" "Apparently in this reality that did not occur" Data observed William read again "Meredith wandered away to take her cigarette break but before Splat could open his mouth to comment on the habits of other journalistic students I jumped in." William paused "It seems this is your text heather you might as well read it" Heather read '"All right, everyone, LISTEN UP!" I screamed. Silence fell. Into the silence someone (it sounded rather suspicously like Lisa II) said "Oh boy, the Crimson Crysanthemum is on caffeine."I whirled and glared in the direction of the voice. "That's enough!" I warned everyone. "This rediculous mangelation of my name will stop! It's Black Rose, got that? BLACK ROSE, not orange carrot, or green kumquat, or any other color adjetive linked to a flower/fruit noun!"' "What!" Vanessa cried "Why mutilate your name?" "As an agitant I expect" The blond haired Doctor said. Brad wanting a long line read " "I thought Pandora was the kumquat," Christine said. "SILENCE!" I roared, straining my not inconsiderable lungs. They were all quiet for another moment, and then Splat interrupted. "But, Heather, I thought I got the next chapter..." I gritted my teeth and my vision suddenly went black. When it cleared up Splat was across the room and halfway imbeded into the wall. I blinked. "Splat?" I called. "What are you doing over there?" He mumbled something. I noticed people were edging away from me. "Heh," I laughed nervously. "Did I forget to tell you I have a split homicidal personality?" People edged back a little farther. "First thing first," I said. "Rolecall!" I scooped up the much used checklist of people, trying to make sense out of the crisscrossed lines and crossing outs and writing back ins. Finally, giving it up as hopeless, I tossed the clipboard aside. " William interupted Brad's recitation "Split homicidal personalities my god!" Before brad could read any further the brown curly haired Doctor took the monitor from him. "It is my Tardis" "Mine too" The Blond Doctor replied "Yes but not yet" Picard said "And if this doctor wants to read let him" The brown haired doctor read " "OK, if I call your name, get over here next to me!" I yelled. "Erin, Lisa I, Dan, Patricia! Michelle, Jesse, Dannan, Marcus! Splat! Meredith, you're excused, you're nuetral. And Lestat, Louis, if you're going to complain so much about being in this spec then you can go too." "Now, people on the side of the Infidel! Gather over there by Vanessa, who doesn't get to go underground yet! "Kim, Sally, Angela, Lisa II, Joanne, Christine, Del, Susie, Mick, Steph, Laura Ann, Torch, and any other spec writer or minion I'm forgetting!" I turned to the ones who were left. "Brad, Antonio, Erik, Armand, Yakko, Wakko, Dot, Sean, Meredith, Lestat, Louis, William.... I'm declaring you all neutral! So go stand over there- go on, go! Shoo!" Everyone grumbled, but broke off into the seperate camps. " "At least I am neutral" William said "adding to the mess will be no good" William picked up where the doctor left off and read the rest " "All right, pay attention," I called. "I'm tired of this eternal plotlessness! This silly spec is going to END!" "Then you get the Infidel," Kim sighed. "I could have ended it," Vanessa cried. "I could have given us victory, but you all stopped me! Now the Purple Petunia is going to win!" I let the name slur slide. "You couldn't have ended it, Vanessa! Only I can end it, because I started it! I..." I turned, pointing, "or my chosen Deputy! Splat, step forward! You're almost nuetral, you don't know anybody in this group! I authorize YOU to end this silly spec!" Everyone turned to look at Splat, who smiled evily and reached for his reality re-writer. " "Ack!" Heathe and Vanessa cried in unison. "They are using reality re-writers" Vanessa said. Louis spoke "At the risk of sounding rude I think one reality rewriter is a bad thing but there seem to be multiple floating arround" Armand considered the situation carefully "We have a greater problem in trying to stop them, and then move on to repair the rip they have a working re-writer we do not" "Oh boy" Sam and Alia said in unison The voyager hologram and JoAnne were far to busy with each other to make any reaction. William tapped at the re-writer in his hand and pulled up a screen. "I can not make drastic changes but a few minor script corrections may help" William said. "I should be able to utilize that without destroying my device which by the look of it is a newer model then theirs anyway." William punched a few more buttons and the Holographic doctor fades out and Al faded in to replace him, he seemed ready to continue the holograms actions as well, but JoAnne was a bit miffed. "Deleteing characters!" She cried "Haven't you learned your lesson?" "I am not deleting them I am simply substituting the correct ones for reality errors." "So the other hologram is still here somewhere you just pulled in Al because he was the one who belonged in the first place?" "Precisely" William said "Besides with Al here we can access Ziggy" "Uh Sam" Al said "You have your own form and they can see me this is more CaCa then the original leap." "It's a long story Al" Sam said "And a really strange one involving infinite multiple dimensions, and alternate timelines" "Computer" JoAnne said outloud on a hunch "activate EMERGENCY MEDICAL HOLOGRAM" The bald headed hologram appeared and JoAnne drug him away before he could even speak. "Well" Lisa and Lisa II said simultaneously "What now" "Al" Kirk said "You are Dr. Becketts correct Hologram as I recall" "Yeah thats right I am Admiral Calavici" Al said "Good" Laura Ann said "Al" Stephanie said "Ask Ziggy what we should do here" "Huh?" Al asked "Ziggy is probably as confused as me" "Do it Al" Sam, Alia, Montgomery Scott, Picard, Lestat, Armand, Marius, Claudia, Brad, Louis, William, Vanessa, Heather, Erin, Dannan, Both Doctor's, Romana, A stem that used to be a rose bud, Cindy Crawford, Angela, Mick, Susie, ~Del, Christine, and the rest said. All except JoAnne and the Voyeurger hologram they were to busy. Even K-9 said it and he rarely speaks in that fasion. "Yes Al" Patricia said entering from the back. "Do what" A new voice asked and magically materialized "Ah there you are" William said "Just waht we need more confusion oh well. Everyone this is my one and only minion Vince" "Ziggy has come up with something" Al said. "She says that there is a 99% certainty that we should wait until the War of The Rose is concluded by this Patrick before we attempt to run interference." "Very well" The Doctor's said "That is just what we will do" (To Be Continued...)